sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
they're like a gay fantastic four
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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