Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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