The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.