Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just cropdusted the office
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Less talking, more tequila
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.