I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever