she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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