I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
