margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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