i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
