Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
