You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I smell like Dick and happiness
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
