shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I understand Curling. That high.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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