haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am puke
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
