I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
