My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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