Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
