i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
