Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
