I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
3 2 1 whiskey
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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