If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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