Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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