But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
