Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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