I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
