This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
