Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
