i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
