It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
