nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
