I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
