cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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