Apparently you make a good broom.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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