Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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