Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
