apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
