Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize