My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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