check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
