i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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