I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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