Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
