Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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