And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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