dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
