i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
