I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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