You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
