I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
