Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
