I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I die, sorry about rent.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
