I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
