Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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