Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
