when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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