So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon