he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.