I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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