so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.