she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
