You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
