hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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