What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
