its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
