I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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