Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

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  (202): You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell... http://tfl.nu/oe10
  Replies (8) Good night (713) Bad night (1941)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.

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  (215): Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked. http://tfl.nu/7s06
  Replies (31) Good night (4146) Bad night (2017)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl

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  (662): The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/s3lv
  Replies (7) Good night (3103) Bad night (962)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?

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  (816): There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be? http://tfl.nu/l5gd
  Replies (9) Good night (1948) Bad night (891)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic

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  (217): You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic http://tfl.nu/nxkw
  Replies (2) Good night (2665) Bad night (789)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl

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  (813): Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl http://tfl.nu/zwmh
  Replies (15) Good night (732) Bad night (903)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick

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  (240): it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick http://tfl.nu/lcrn
  Replies (5) Good night (1196) Bad night (547)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.

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  (417): Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you. http://tfl.nu/mj9e
  Replies (11) Good night (1035) Bad night (789)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  That would make regret #10

  (646): View more from New York

  He was more like the original regret

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  (917): That would make regret #10 (646): He was more like the original regret http://tfl.nu/dmkl
  Replies (5) Good night (665) Bad night (526)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.

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  (313): I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it. http://tfl.nu/dmoy
  Replies (10) Good night (1037) Bad night (452)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"

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  (775): This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat" http://tfl.nu/i7x4
  Replies (6) Good night (740) Bad night (727)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope I went the fuck home like an adult

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  (717): Nope I went the fuck home like an adult http://tfl.nu/d43f
  Replies (1) Good night (821) Bad night (302)
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  (415): View more from California

  Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?

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  (415): Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'? http://tfl.nu/ngfc
  Replies (2) Good night (779) Bad night (300)
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  (925): View more from California

  You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub

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  (925): You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub http://tfl.nu/o6o5
  Replies (0) Good night (451) Bad night (246)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5

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  (941): It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5 http://tfl.nu/f2uj
  Replies (3) Good night (366) Bad night (663)

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