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how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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