ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He felt like a one man threesome
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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