His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
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two words: eviction party
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
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apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.