Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers