I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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