carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
