The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
