After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
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i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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