Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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