I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize